Mom vs Provider vs Nurturer

So, I have been working on the Ambulance as a Paramedic for a little bit now. I am working towards getting my own truck shortly. Yay for me... But to everything there is an "opposition". Lately it has been the "mom" side of me. Let me explain. Kyle has been acting up at school... I think I have that one nipped... Molly has now been complaining of a stomach ache everyday before school, ad says she just wants to stay home with me. I quickly tell her that mommy doesn't stay home. So, she says she wants me to stay home from work. I can't do that. And we have been so short handed lately, everyone has been working overtime. So, little traditions have been pushed to the side. reading before bed, snuggling, reading our scriptures as a family. I think I have come up with a little solution or a temporary fix. I love the power of technology. I figure I will do like I did during deployment. Video messages, so they can hear and see me... plus do 2 out of the three things I have been neglecting since I started working. So, here it goes.

Trying to find peace...

So, last night I think I lost it. I have been giving Tyler a ton of attention lately because he has been really sick. Molly decided to throw a temper tantrum. I lost it. I havent felt this out of control in a long time. Let me clarify. When I say I lost it, I raised my voice at her, and sent her to her room for the night. She kept coming out. I kept sending her back... and not in a quiet way. She has my stubbornness and hard-headedness... Night time is a stressful time..most of the time. I dont know how to get past it. I ended up sitting in her room trying to get her to calm down, but sometimes when she goes into a fit, it takes hours for her to come down. I didnt like feeling this out of control... in fact I hated it (bad word...I know). My workout even suffered this morning because my heart was heavy... not just my body. And yesterday started out so well.. She has this way with Tyler. He doesn't like getting these breathing treatments that he has to have. Molly heard him fussing at 0600 and came out and danced in front of him... It always makes him laugh. Then she read a book to him while I was in the shower. She made Kyle's bed... and she was ready for school waaaaaay before it was time to leave... Kyle too. I couldnt help but think what a wonderful morning it was. After school, we walked home. They had snacks, and went outside to play until dark. 65 degrees. I should've known that it was going to be a rough night when she wouldn't come inside. Arrrggghhhh.... Well, at least Kyle and Tyler were good for more... They haven't learned the art of ganging up on me just yet. Hopefully today will be a better day...No, not hopefully--Today will be a better day!

The battle within....

So, The battle within... That is what I am calling my journey right now... All I can say is that it is a good thing that I am stubborn. Today I was doing my squats, and my left shin started aching... The thought came into my head, "awww, just skip this one... what's it going to hurt?" Me... it will hurt me!! Not matter how inconvenient it feels right now, I don't want to cut corners. No one is going to just hand me the body I want. And if they did, I wouldn't want it because I didn't earn it. I would probably end up getting into worse shape than I am right now. So, the way I figure it- if I earn it, then I can continue to push to mold my body the way I want it... and like the results. I have no one to blame but myself if I dont get it to turn out the way I want. So, new shoes are on the horizon... Been putting that off for a while, but it is time. And recovery and protein drinks are too... these 1000 calorie workouts really pay a toll after a while. The good thing is that today I looked into the mirror... and wasnt ashamed of what I saw. It's a funny thing- perspective- when I am working out every day I notice the flaws but they dont "sting" as much or bring me down. The flaws I see actually push me to becoming a better me.

Push through

Today was a "push through" kind of day. I got on the treadmill this morning and had "nothing". So, what do you do when that happens? You push through... So, I cranked the treadmill up to wake up my endorphins and pushed through. My shins started hurting, so I cranked the incline... and pushed through. I can't allow myself to become weak when trying to teach myself to be strong again. So when obstacles happen, PUSH THROUGH!!!!

Small things....

So, today I am grateful for the small things. Take for instance the guy at the gym this morning... Thank you guy at the gym with his girlfriend for pushing me harder than I thought I could be pushed today. By your kindness in grabbing your weights for your girlfriend, I was forced to go up in weights. So thank you for inadvertently pushing me to reach my limits this morning... lol... No, I really am grateful to those around me that help me become better... There is this one guy at the gym who always gets on the treamill 2 away from mine... when you get that close to me, it becomes a race... The commercial with Mia Hamm and Michael Jordan comes to mind- "Anything you can do,I can do better..." Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.

MY GOAL IS TO BE IN THIS GOOD OF SHAPE AGAIN!!!! Slowly but surely!!!

GRRRRR....

Today I didnt want to get up... But I have devised a way to ensure that I get out of bed at 0400 and to the gym by 0415 every morning. I sleep in a sweatshirt and long pants with socks on. Anyone that knows me well knows that I hate to sleep with socks on and be hot while I am sleeping... Drives me nuts. So by 0350 I am sweating like crazy and have to get out of bed to cool off. See, love to outsmart myself!!! Not a bad workout today. I only did 2.5 miles of sprints... but, it's better than laying in bed!! Everyone comes to a point where the have had ENOUGH. Today is the day most people really mean to make serious changes in their lives. They talk about all the great things they are going to do this year and the positive changes they are going to make. They get excited and pumped and start down a new road of progress for themselves in many areas of their lives. Unfortunately, this usually lasts for about 3 days. They miss the most important part of the equation: The never cross from getting excited and pumped over to taking action...or if they do its short lived. Real change takes real commitment and real action! Its takes forcefully implementing new habits. Which means doing things you don't feel like doing over and over again until they are new habits. The first couple days will be easy, but its what you do once the initial excitement wears off that determines if you are going to make it or not. Real change means making a decision and sticking with that decision no matter what happens or how hard it gets. Expect challenges, expect setbacks but expect to overcome them...but most of all...expect to do the work! What you have done up until this point in no way dictates what you will do from this point forward. Whatever it is you are looking to change this year, you can and will....IF you are willing to move through just talking about the possibilities and on to ACTING on the plan that will bring you to your destination. Attaining goals is simple in concept, but challenging in discipline and effort. Thats ok, because the end result is always worth it. When was the last time you got something amazing with little or no effort? "What one man can do...another can do". There is no truer statement when it comes to accomplishing anything. Many people have already set the bar for what is possible, all you have to do is follow the plan. You are not the "special" exception to this rule. Many people have accomplished what it is you want with much tougher obstacles in their way. Let this statement ring in your head when the going gets tough for you...which it will. Lets make this THE YEAR. Forget about the past and what dreams may not have been fulfilled and lets get focused on what we really want for ourselves and make a decision to do whatever it takes to make it happen.